Long Walks

I came across a few quotes that resonated well with my soul and at the same time chastised my heart a bit...  

Russel M Nelson said, "The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."  

L. Whitney Clayton said, "There may be times when we have been hurt, when we are tired, and when our lives seem dark and cold.  ...If we are willing to believe, if we desire to believe, if we choose to believe, then the Savior's teachings and example will show us the pathway forward."  

Ryan and I have been walking a lot since the weather has improved.  6 miles gives us a good amount of time to talk and hash things through.  One particular morning, after a few rough days, Ryan asked as we walked, "Do you have hope for our marriage?" At that moment my tired, hurting heart wanted to say no. But those quotes kept running through my head.  I chose my words carefully.  I responded, "I have complete confidence and hope in God's abilities.  I don't have hope in my abilities."  He asked, "What do you mean?"  We had a good open conversation but at one point things went south.  We weren't understanding each other and old cycles started.  In that moment I blurted out, "I can't do what God is asking me to do.  I don't have hope in my abilities, I can't do it."  I started walking faster and Ryan trailed a little behind.  We walked in silence for a bit.  Then I heard him softly say, "Alone you can't." inferring that with Christ I could do what God was asking.  Again, L. Whitney Clayton's words rang in my ears.  My heart softened and we continued our walk side by side.  We talked more, shared our hearts and came home content with where we were that day.

I do trust our Heavenly Father and have complete confidence in His and our Savior's abilities.  I know He can heal Ryan and my hearts.  The "pathway forward" is there... it may take us a long time but I know that it is possible.  The difficulty comes in following that path.  Sometimes I don't want to forgive completely.  Sometimes I am terrified of opening up.  But when I really listen and take notice, I see His hand in our marriage.  Thoughts come and love beyond my own for Ryan is felt.  I cherish those moments, knowing that He is walking this path with us.  

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