Samantha came upstairs crying today. Victoria had gotten a bottle of paint, poured it onto a 6x11 inch lid, & went to town in Sam's bedroom & bathroom. Her original "canvas" of choice was a wall, then the closet door, she finished up with the fabric shower curtain. I guess when everyone was out staining the deck she felt left out. I love that my kids are so independent MOST of the time. So, Sam's crying, we're scrubbing, & Victoria walks in. I ask, "Did you do this?" Victoria responds with a quick, "Yeah, sorry." & a nod of the head. At least she's honest. It reminds me of the time Ryan & I were sitting on the couch talking in KY. It had been 15-20 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. We looked at each other & I asked, "Where is Isabelle? It's WAY to quiet!" We started looking for her & couldn't find her anywhere. We searched the house & she wasn't in it. I headed for the garage &
Izy's canvas of choice... Ryan's car! The funniest part was that Isabelle just looked at us like, "Yeah, I'm painting dad's car. What are you gonna do about it?" I may not have mentioned this before so now is probably a good time. I'm pretty good with budgeting, organizing, getting things done, etc. I had parenting pretty much under control with Sam, Casey, & Rebekah. You know how they say if you don't humble yourself... Heavenly Father sent me Isabelle! Then Porter, & now Victoria. I no longer have parenting under control. I am learning new tricks though. Some work some don't some are just nuts. I no longer say, "well, if I was his/her mother..." I have enough days I'm running out of Wal-mart utterly humiliated. I must say I've grown a lot since having our last 3 angels & I'm not talking pants size. I'm becoming a person I actually like more when I look in the mirror MOST days. I also have days when I just want to crawl in bed & hide from the world. Like last week when I was getting ready to leave for a meeting & all crapola breaks loose. Izy's screaming she hates me & wishes she didn't live here. Everyone needs something. Sam yells out as I'm leaving, "When will you be home?" I don't answer, I'm thinking maybe I WON'T come home. She calls out & asks again & I actually say it. I feel guilty all morning until I call and apologize & let her know when I will be home. I also had to apologize to Izy for telling her I wanted to grab her, shake her, and spank her. (I didn't, I just had to let her know I wanted to.) No award for Mother of the Day here. My greatest fear is being a bad mom. I'm slowly learning what can wait... the dishes, dust, even spilt milk. I'm slowly learning to get down in the crazy... spraying Casey with the kitchen hose-thing making a huge mess, singing our favorite song way loud WAY off key, & making an utter fool of myself with our kids! They love it, Ryan loves it, & I love it. I'm slowly learning what can't wait... a much needed hug, a quiet moment together, an honest "yes, I'm listening." & I love you!
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