Monday, February 12, 2018


My family, my best friends.
Loving fun laughs, trips, and countless
hours spent together.
Enjoying fun activities together.

My faith,
Always trusting and turning to God.
Every Sunday morning
Dressed in my Sunday best.

My determination,
Overcoming every hurdle
Along the way.

Trusting in the process.

...and this

I am a Geddes
Who enjoys her family
and loves to have fun
I am hard working
and easy going
I am the funny family stories
and the teasing comments

I am the early morning runs
and muscles that feel like flimsy noodles
yet rock hard
I am a runner
I am the mountainous uphills
and the 5k filled saturdays
I am the endless laps on a black, hot tracks
and running till you die

I am an adventurer
and outdoorsy
I am on the chilly, white mountains in the winter
ans mosquito filled camping trips in the summer

I am the blonde
who is clumsy
and oblivious
I am quick to laugh and joke
even about myself

I used to be shy
and reserved
but now I am open and confident

I am Rebekah Geddes

I found this today...

So This is Home              
Rebekah Geddes

The old, white, Cape Cod on Werkley where I barely lived, piled high
with heavy snow, a fenced yard and a barking four-legged neighbor.
The handicap girl across the street, sweet neighbors, playing at the park
That was New York.

Next came the green grass, rolling hills and millions of flowers.
Routine Sunday walks across bridges, up trees full of bees and sunshine.
We adopted grandparents that held tea parties, sewed Halloween costumes
and treated us as their own.
Daily visits from the sweet tempered, curly haired Airedale Terrier.
But soon we had to leave, that was Kentucky.

With the Buckeyes came a new view, new friends and cousins.
Where soccer began, late night practices followed by Wendy’s crispy chicken sandwiches and Saturday morning games.
Our new lives flourished, we found new walking paths full of streams and woods
But once again it was time to move
That was Ohio.

In the midwest I grew up from a girl to a young woman.
I gained new friends and again, new cousins.
I lost the ball and began to run.
Here we stayed in the country down the gravel drive, lined with fruit trees.
Raspberries and blueberries in the front yard, chickens and goats in the back.
This is Missouri.

From New York to Kentucky
The Ohio
And across the Mississippi to Missouri
My address changed,
Werkley, Old Hartford, Pine Valley and 89th
Cape cod, brick, two-story and stone.
I left friends and family but gained more.
I lived in a number of new houses
But my home always stayed put
Dad, Mom, Sam, Casey, Isabelle, Porter, Victoria and me

THIS is my home!

Monday, December 25, 2017

Christmas 2017

I can't begin to express the feelings of my heart.  It is so full.  Life is nowhere near what I had invisioned.  However, this family Ryan and I have created is magical.  There is fighting and crying, anger and tears, happy and sad, name an emotion and we have experienced it.  But somehow there is this love and belonging that truly is magical.  We all huddled around the computer today waiting with anticipation for the hour we would have with Casey.  We had Sam on video.  I could tell something wasn't quite right.  Come to find out she was a bit distraught earlier.  You see, she was floating past Haiti trying to get an internet connection and it wasn't going well.  She had already missed Thanksgiving with us.   And even though she was on a cruise with Phil and his family, a bit of her heart really wanted to be home in Kansas City crowded around the computer with us.  She went through a slew of tissues.  Thankfully, things worked out and she and Phil were able to join in on the hour of laughter with Casey.  We have so much fun chatting with him. Every time we are caught off guard when he says, "I only have 15 minutes."  My heart aches just a little bit knowing that we have to say goodbye.  There are no perfect families.  But this family is perfect for me.  They help me grow.  They let me love them, make mistakes and laugh.  They are my treasure, they have my heart.

Christmas Eve 2017

The house was dark and quiet, I checked the time and it was only 8:15pm.  Ryan and I climbed into bed thinking we'd get a long nights sleep.  We started talking and laughing and finally fell asleep after 1:30AM.  Marriage has not been easy for either of us.  However, after nights like last night I can't help but have hope of one day creating the marriage we both dream of.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

I remember the wave of emotion the day I married Ryan like it was yesterday.  It was such a unique experience, one you never forget.  I had never experienced anything like it until we decided to move to Missouri.  I was sitting in the airport and that wave of emotion hit for the second time in my life.  It's been a rough road.  One full of disappointment and pain.  However, today was one of those days I will look back on and remember with fondness.  Ryan and I are no where near having the relationship either of us wants.  We are committed to each other and our family but in noway satisfied with our relationship.  It started out like most other discussions... me asking Ryan what he was feeling.  I listened as he expressed his thoughts.  I tried to explain some of my reasoning.  He was listening for a bit and it seemed like he was internalizing what I was saying.  However, part way through he got angry and threw out a slew of words that normally would have sent me cowering back into my fortress of walls.  You know those walls, the ones you throw up to keep the hurt at bay.  The ones that only damage a relationship more.  Well today was different.  As I talked with him I realized that the anger and bitterness towards him was finally gone.  I was amazed as I continued discussing with him the situation at hand, my emotions didn't spike.  I could stay in the conversation without feeling like I needed to run away.  We spent the day together.  I think he thinks I'm crazy in a few ways, and I would agree.  I hope someday he will find value in what he sees as crazy right now.  I am understanding him a little better and trying to embrace his idiosyncrasies.  I can learn a lot from him. I believe he just gets stuck inside his own head sometimes.  But today was a success.  We took one step towards the relationship we both desire, that's a win... for both of us.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

We had an amazing night Saturday night.  It started as I walked out of the airport. I was nervous about how things might go. I know Ryan is put at ease when I smile at him. I kept telling myself , meet his eyes and smile. Often when I am unsure I avoid eye contact with him. I fear the rejection, if I meet his eyes and he rejects me he will see it all over my face. I can't let him see that. Despite those fears, I meet his eyes and smile. He puts his arms around me and kisses me... so far so good!  I ask to stop by Altard State. We get out of the car and he wraps his arms around me telling me how much he loves me and wants things to work out. He kisses me again and again. He never lets me get out of arms length. We grab a burger at Five Guys and talk as we eat. For the next couple hours we talk, he kisses me, we talk some more. We return home around 10pm, tuck the kids in and head for our room. We finally get to sleep around 2AM. If every night could be like last night I would be in heaven. We were both able to be vulnerable, allowing the other to express their thoughts and feelings. I know things are going to come up and we'll have our differences of opinions even more hurts.  But I finally  have hope of finding our happily ever after.