A Midwest Spring Bouquet

I picked violets and dandelions for my mom every spring. She would smell them, say how beautiful they smelled and put them in a mason jar in the kitchen. I came across them Tuesday on my walk and I was 5 years old again. My relationship with my mom is complicated. But in that moment I wanted to love her better than I have. I snapped the pictures and added, “I picked some flowers for you 😉”. So much of what I learned comes from her, this woman that I don’t enjoying being around. How can that be? I’m trying to figure out how to be true the the very best in me while protecting myself from the hurt that comes from being in relationship with her. What I am realizing is that I am wanting the impossible. Being in relationship with her, loving her will bring hurt. It’s learning to tolerate the hurt and invalidation that comes from her while valuing all she has given me, all she has sacrificed for me. Because she has given more than I want to see sometimes. I am who I am in large part because of who she is.