I have a fascinating relationship with Heavenly Father. I believe in Him, put all my trust in Him, and… I don’t like being close to Him. It hurts too much to feel ignored. It always has. He doesn’t answer my prayers like so many others. Often He seems silent. Maybe I’m not listening well enough or recognizing how He communicates with me. I don’t know. I only know I prefer a distant relationship… one in that I am confident He exists, He loves me, He believes in me, and one that I don’t ask much. I work under the premise that He knows my heart and is aware of the world.
When those two things can align, I am grateful. When they don’t, which seems often, I continue to trust in His all-knowing, all-loving heart. I recognize how I have often acted as a spoiled child, wanting what I want, taking only my concerns into account—not wanting to grow or develop but instead desiring the easier way. I am learning to trust His confidence in me to figure things out, understanding that He is in the boat with me, coaxing me along. I get scared. I get sad. I get mad. And I remember He lives, He loves me, He wants me to be happy, and He isn’t afraid of me figuring out life even when I make a mess of things. And then, when I least expect it, He reminds me how much he is aware of me and my heart… like finding a silly children’s book in French while visiting France.
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