My siblings words “You will be the worst mom ever!!” echoed in my mind for years. My absolute greatest fear has been failing as a mother. That fear is what motivated me to read as much as I could about parenting. It’s what got me out of bed when I didn’t think I could. It’s what pressured me to bump up against my family of origins belief systems and abandon many of them. And yet, I have failed in so many ways. It’s hard to let go of the vision I have of myself. It’s hard to bump up against the reality that in some instances I was “the worst mom ever.” In those moments I try to remind myself; if I want to repair and build better, more honest relationships with my kids I have to tolerate what is true, I have messed up as a parent. I have hurt them in ways I didn’t mean or was aware of. Sitting in that and owning that is painful. I have to remind myself it doesn’t make me bad, just human having a human experience. And that stepping into the truth of my kids lived experiences and tolerating the pain of that truth will help me develop into a more honest, compassionate, stronger person and mother. It’s a journey; a painful, difficult one. One that I would not trade for anything! These spunky, funny, incredible people have my heart. I will still mess up, that is for certain! But I’m a little less afraid to step into what is true and a little more confident that I can
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