I just left the doctors office. I have so many emotions; gratitude, frustration, sadness, anger, hope. When Dr. G told me another six month, I exhaled loudly and dropped my head. He responded, “You are so lucky, this is such a small price!” He has said that to me so many times. I shared with him the dissonance I was experiencing between how he has viewed my injury and how my husband has viewed it. He was very clear; most people would not have walked away from that accident and the damage inflicted. If I had been in the ER in Philly while he was in his fellowship I would have been taken to surgery immediately. He considered taking me to surgery right away but knowing how active I was, my physical health, age, thickness of my spinal canal and my overall being he wanted to see if I could heal. He took a calculated risk. He was ready to take me to surgery at three months, six months and nine months but saw progression that kept him optimistic. I have hope of being “set free” as Dr. G said he would do if the CT comes back clean in six months. I will most likely bike, ski/snowboard, and learn to surf. That is a lot to be grateful for. So, for now, I will keep walking, lifting, and biking on the trainer. It’s hard sometimes when the person you want to care for you the most, has a skewed perception of the experience. It pushes on my weak muscles… anger, blaming, victimhood. But instead I am getting clear in my own mind. Ryan is a good ER doc. He is limited in what he knows about my injury. It is not a text book case. That doesn’t make him bad, just limited. There is no need for anger, I am not a victim, and I have no one to blame. This was a really hard thing, and I am so very lucky. Beautiful growth has happened. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Comments