Sunday... again.

I just don't know what it is about this day... I take comfort in knowing I am not the only one that struggles in this way.  Today I heard the most hilarious story.  It was told by a women with teenage kids about her mom.  Grandma in her younger years had a husband in the bishopric.  It was in the days of split church on Sunday.  Well, Grandpa left for meetings.  It was now time for  the young men to go to priesthood.  Grandma was in her P.J's & slippers, she drove the young man to church.  However, on the way home the car broke down.  This was prior to cell phones so, she walked home (P.J's & slippers, remember).  While walking many neighbors were passing by heading to their meetings.  She arrived home & called the church to talk to her husband.  The man on the other end relayed that Grandpa was in an important meeting & couldn't be disturbed but offered to take a message.  Grandma replied, "tell him to go to hell!"  Grandpa came home, quite quickly!  I would never guess in a million years she would have a response like that in her.  Her daughter also related that for years her mother hated Sundays.  I definitely admire this woman and her accomplishments.  She truly is an amazing woman.  It gives me hope, knowing that amazing women have struggled with the same things I do.  It helps me believe I must be on the right track.  

It was Fast Sunday today.  Before going to bed I read a chapter out of "Pure in Heart" by Dallin H. Oaks.  It was on worship.  He quoted Gene R. Cook; "The more enlightened member of the Church goes to church in order to give, to give strength, to feed, to inspire, to help... They sit in the congregation and pray intently for the speaker.  They find that as they do so in sacrament meeting that the Lord will speak to them using that speaker, however weak he may be in his knowledge and understanding of the gospel, to open additional spiritual doors for the one seated praying."   I had decided that I would prepare MYSELF in order to be spiritually fed, no matter who bore testimony today.  Then, it all starts... the crying, screaming, demanding!  I locked myself in my bathroom for a little time to regroup... she used a shoe lace and popped the lock as well as any bit of patience I had left.  I found myself asking, "why?  I just want ONE morning to go peaceably.  Is that too much to ask for?  Teeth clenched I walked out of my room and away from the child.  Then told her to change her clothes, wear her flip flops, whatever she needed to do because we were leaving for church in 10 minutes.  I returned to the bathroom & locked the door.  There's no explanation other than a loving Heavenly Father took pity on me, & blessed me with an undeserved tender mercy... I guess that's why its referred to as mercy.   When I came out she was in a different outfit putting her socks and shoes on quietly.  Often times I would have still been fuming & gruffly told her to get to the car.  Instead I picked her up off the floor & hugged her.  Letting her know how much I appreciated the decisions she made.  As we drove to church Micheal McLean's song Tender Mercies played.  I love the line that says "It seems whenever I choose to see, God's tender mercies pour down on me."  So, we get to church now someone else is loosing it.  We get to our pew.  As I'm getting kids settled I get a jab to my ribs... Ty!  This young man is the brightest ray of sunshine on these dreary Sundays.  So, I'm asking him about the accident he was in this week & Victoria is all over the place.  Ryan walks up, I push Victoria out towards him & say, "Five minutes, I just need 5 minutes."  He takes her & walks out to the hall.  I finish my conversation & retrieve my squirmy child.  Sacrament meeting starts.  The kids are doing okay.  A young man gets up and starts out talking about paint balling.  He had worn shorts, underestimating the number of thorn bushes.  He was hurting pretty bad.  He then talked about how it was with life when we aren't prepared.  He bore a beautiful testimony & it touched my heart.  I realized that many times I'm not as prepared as I could be on Sundays.  And even when I am there are still going to be thorns along the way.  Preparation doesn't take the thorns away it just protects us from some of the pain that they can cause.  After church I walk out & Bro. Bauserman is in the bus.  I head over & chat for a few minutes.  It's like talking to family with the Bauserman's.  Bo had me laughing so much my cheeks ached.   We head home, Ryan shows up an hour later.  The kids & Ryan grab lunch & the crazy starts again.  Victoria's tired, Porter's whining, someone is yelling & on & on!  Ryan is heading off to work.  I'm laying on our bed in a daze.  He looks at me with eyes that say everything I need to hear.  A simple I love you is said but with it came so many unspoken words, then a kiss goodbye.  In that moment I was so grateful to have him as my eternal companion.  It's taken us years to get to this point... but we're here now.  I don't know if you can get to this point without time & trials.  I think it is after struggling & growing that we begin to find our true soul mate.  I always thought a soul mate was one that you instantly connected with and just meshed with.  I believe a soul mate is one that knows you intimately inside and out and learns how to be that person you need.  Becoming ones soul mate takes time, often patience, & a lot of effort(especially through out those child rearing years).  True soul mates are those 80 year old couples still holding hands, stealing kisses, and laughing... they didn't wait for the storms to pass, they learned to dance in the rain.  I feel very blessed to have kids that love dancing in the rain & laughing with me.  For a husband that lets me laugh at him sometimes.  And a family that taught me how to laugh at myself.  When I look at my life & choose to see I find so many of the Lord's tender mercies.