11 of 12!

Tomorrow is Ryan's day off... well, it WAS his day off! He is working, making it 11 shifts in 12 days again. I'm not sure how he is still going... must be the copper top in him. I am moving but not a lot is going on upstairs... zombie mom is in the house! We made it through the kids' soccer season to start Basketball season... Casey & Sam are playing. Casey finishes his last soccer tournament Saturday (Ryan is working 6A-2P) while Sam finishes up basketball tryouts (11AM). The two events are happening during the same time period & an hour away from each other... still working out transportation issues. I am amazed that we have kept all the balls in the air this fall... not one dropped! It's one of those times I choose not to look back and figure out how we were able to get everyone everywhere they needed to be at the right time & place! I just thank my Heavenly Father for being in charge & working the magic! It reminds me of months during residency I KNEW we didn't have enough money to make it. Yet on day 31 we always had a few cents leftover. I remember sitting at the kitchen table in Tonawanda, NY going through the check book trying to figure out where the money came from... I never could. Just ended the night on my knees thanking a loving Heavenly Father for His tender mercies. These past few months have been very trying... I should be learning something... unfortunately, I am failing miserably. I enjoyed a few laughs with Casey tonight while taking him to soccer practice. I haven't been laughing much lately. I haven't been a lot of fun lately. I need to let loose & get a little crazy with everyone. I'm letting those little insecurities creep back in & camp out in the back of my mind... reminding me of all the things I don't do well. Anger is revisiting me with a vengeance, keeping the tears at bay masking my true feelings. Anger is an emotion I embrace easily, it's an old friend, it chases away all the emotions that make me feel... those that bring the tears & sadness. So, tomorrow I am kicking my old friend out... he just has got to go! I'm inviting my new friend over, Mr. Music please...