The past few months I have had this black cloud hovering. No matter what I did I couldn't shake it. This past week I thought for sure it would consume me. I sat in the shower for hours one day, crying. Finally, after two long hot showers, I hit my knees and poured out my soul to my Heavenly Father like never before. The tears flowed as my heart & soul ached. I remembered a quote from Robert D. Hales:
"There is nothing that we are enduring that Jesus does not understand, and He waits for us to go to our Heavenly Father in prayer. If we will be obedient and if we are diligent, our prayers will be answered, our problems will diminish, our fears will dissipate, light will come upon us, the darkness of despair will be dispersed, and we will be close to the Lord."
I love his word choices, our problems will diminish... to make less or cause to appear less, our fears WILL dissipate... to break up or drive off, vanish. Most problems don't just go away. But fear can be broken up, driven off, & utterly vanish. Another quote is from Henry B. Eyring:
"For those who are discouraged by their circumstances and are therefore tempted to feel they cannot serve the Lord this day, I make you two promises. Hard as things seem today, they will be better in the next day if you choose to serve the Lord this day with your whole heart. Your circumstances may not be improved in all the ways which you desire. But you will have been given new strength to carry your burdens and new confidence that when your burdens become too heavy, the Lord, whom you have served, will carry what you cannot. He knows how. He prepared long ago. He suffered your infirmities and your sorrows when He was in the flesh so that He would know how to succor you."
The Lord seems to know exactly what I need to be doing in order to let go of my own worries & focus on someone else. Put me in a room of 50 kids & it's like throwin Brer Rabbit into the briar patch. They are so easy to love. I feel like I've been given a beautiful gift... an ability to see good in & love the "unlovable"... I suppose because I was one. My heart breaks sometimes for them. Life just isn't fair... this morning Porter spilled eggs on himself & was SO angry. As I hugged him, took off his dirty close, & told him it was okay and how much I loved him tears came again. Porter has me... as inadequate as I am most days, he still has me. I see kids everywhere that have no one, no one that loves them like I love Porter.
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