Yesterday I came home & was exhausted... laid down for a few minutes & was out. I woke up around 5:30PM for a few minutes then was out again. I heard Izy yelling then climbing into bed with me at some point in the early evening. Sam came in about 7 PM. I physically couldn't get up. It was the weirdest sensation... I'm blaming it on total exhaustion. I couldn't even put a sentence together. I don't know if I was making any sense or not. Sam said she kind of understood me. She fed everyone & put them to bed. Tressa called around 9PM. I sounded a little tipsy. I climbed back into bed just before 10PM & slept until 5:30 AM. I woke Sam & Casey up then crawled into Porter's bed. Around 6 AM I woke Rebekah up & fell asleep until 7AM. We jumped in the car at 7:15 to get everyone to school. We get to Porter's school just in time... only he is crying now & has a tummy ache. We drive through the car line without dropping Porter. On to Casey & Rebekah's then Isabelle & finally Sam. Did I mention Sam fell asleep with her contacts in & now her eye is swollen. She doesn't want to wear her glasses because they are bent. She's upset too. We drive back to Porter's school & I walk him in. Tears keep streaming down his face. It's tempting to take him home & not send him back... there are only 2 days left. We've got to get this figured out before next year. I head back home to work on my new mountain of paperwork. Just as I finish getting to the bottom of one a new one emerges. I work on setting up all the new auto pay accounts. Isabelle has a readers theater at 11AM. Victoria & I run back to school. Then home again... papers & bills are waiting. Finally, I put my head down & cry. It has been 14 years of the same... Ryan working way too much & everything else falling on my already full plate. The suburban needs new tires before we leave for St. Louis... Ryan's in OH. A tire on the truck needs repaired before we leave for St. Louis... The kids want me to play with them... I have bills & cars & the lawn & programs & everything else to take care of. When I had Victoria, I drove myself to the hospital & checked myself in. When I was discharged... I drove myself home. Ryan left for work the next morning. That's a pretty good picture of how the past 14 years have gone. I have never been more tired or maybe its just that I am so worn out. Ryan's exhausted. He's tired of working like crazy. It's no ones fault. I'm not pointing fingers... it's just life. It's almost 2PM... I have to go pick everyone up from school. I think we'll head to Costco for a set of new tires & dinner.
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