71* Dec. 27, 2008

I am struggling. I crawled back into bed after waking the kids & helping them make their beds. I curled up in a ball & covered my head with my arms... willing the world to disappear. Ryan was home until 6:40AM. I knew he would help get the kids breakfast and anything else NEEDING to be done prior to driving everyone to school. 6:45AM I rolled out of bed for the 2nd time... & shuffled threw the rest of the morning. My frustrations with other people & negative interactions start affecting how I see & interact with my kids. I start focusing on the things they aren't doing. I should be focusing on all the good they do. I wake Rebekah up in the morning & she instantly rolls over onto her knees & prays. Then she climbs out of bed, grabs her scriptures and reads. Casey gets up at 5:15 AM every morning and practices piano. He too is praying each morning and reading his scriptures. Isabelle is following in their footsteps, so excited to be reading her scriptures. Porter is up each morning dressed and ready to go within 5 minutes. Sam is making good decisions. She's serving others, helping with kids in the mornings & trying her best. Victoria has to go along for the ride... always in tow. I have to figure out how to get myself out of this hole. I don't like the kind of mother that I am right now. I'm wallowing in self doubt and loathing. It's one of those times I need to tell my self to suck it up! It's my choice to focus on the negative or find the positive. I will find 5 good things to say to each of my kids today. I will hug them, kiss them & tell them how great they are because... they are!