I knew this morning was going to be rough... Sam & Casey had Bishop's Youth Fireside until 8:15PM last night. Ryan was working 5PM - 3AM. We ate dinner at Jeanie's and hung out until Sam & Casey were finished... which meant a very (in our world) late night. We didn't get home until 8:30PM & kids weren't in bed until 9PM! Trying to strategize a morning plan I headed to bed to get a few extra zz's in hopes of attaining an extra amount of patients for the foreboding morning! Unfortunately, I forgot to check Sam's Algebra I homework... After finding a few errors & a fast approaching test we spent the next 2 hours working on equations & simplifying them. My head finally hit the pillow at 11:13PM. The alarm clock was ringing at 5AM... did I mention I have never been a morning person?! Nor will I ever BE a morning person. I wake everyone up at their chosen time... Casey 5, Sam 5:10, Isabelle 5:30, Rebekah 5:35, Porter 5:40. I help everyone make their beds and tidy their room. Rebekah went to bed in tears last night because her room was a mess. I wake her up & she is so tired... I quickly tidy up as she reads her scriptures. I know if her room is tidy it will take the stress off and she can function the rest of the morning. Isabelle needs help picking out clothes. Casey takes Porter's chair. Porter keeps saying that he's stupid. Isabelle agreeds, "your stupid sometimes." Porter starts crying. Isabelle & Casey get in trouble. Isabelle starts yelling that no-one likes her. I use up all of my allotted patient before 6AM & yell, "you say no-one likes you all the time, I guess you are right! Sometimes they don't like you!" (mimicking the sometimes you are stupid statement.) I absolutely stink at this motherhood thing! Motherhood is my refiners fire. I don't see it cooling down anytime soon... tungsten, check out it's melting point, I think we are related! The rest of the morning continues... we get in the car and I start my lecture. If things don't change your riding the bus to school. No one is doing anything this week until we treat each other better & kinder... blah blah blah... HYPOCRITE! Casey asks, do we get to play roller hockey? He knows I WANT to play. I tell him I don't want to talk to him. He asks if they get to go to mutual. I tell him if he asks anything else the answer is NO. He asks again, do we get to go to mutual. I answer, "NO Casey, YOU do not get to go to mutual. Do we have to do piano? "NO Casey, YOU do not get to do piano!" Then with the wheels turning & a smirk the size of Texas he asks, "Do I have to ride the bus to school?" I feel a smile, instead of pushing it away & choosing to stay mad I "let it out". Casey starts laughing as well as most the car. Sam starts crying... she is stressed about her test. We drive past the school and park, pull out her Algebra book and review a few more problems. We drop a calm Sam & giggling Casey off then head over to Jeanie's. The kids play, waiting for the bus, as I sulk... I just can't seem to get a handle on motherhood. I fail time & time again. It is SO much work with so little reward. I really want to run away this morning... and never come back! Oxygen gets to my brain & rational thinking sets back in. However, in the moment... running away sounds very good.
Comments