Men... do I even need to go any further? They were created first... when He created women most of the quirks had been worked out. Men... they are infuriating, inconsiderate, self-centered, did I say self-centered? Let's not forget ignorant. I think this is their number one defense. I really do believe most of what infuriates me with Ryan stems from plain ignorance. I'm not sure how he missed so much growing up with 7 sisters. However, he isn't much different than most men, my brothers included. Sometimes I don't want to explain it to him or tell him what I need. Sometimes I want him to just KNOW! I want him to learn the 1st time. Somethings I don't want to explain twice, it's hard enough the 1st time. This is where my issues come in. This is where it becomes my choices that I get to take responsibility for. Like yesterday, let's just say I called him a bad name, I've never done that before... at least not out loud. That should sum up how bad a "disagreement" we had. The entire day I kept telling myself, "Let it go, tell him your sorry, you forgive him and love him." But I couldn't. I WANTED to stay mad. It was a conscious choice. For the 1st time ever it wasn't that I needed to forgive him. My heart already had. I just didn't want to. I didn't want to be that vulnerable. I HATE being vulnerable. There's a reason I don't get close to people. They always hurt you. Over the past couple years I've let Ryan in like never before. Which means, it hurts that much more. I guess I should be happy. Even when I want to be angry with him my heart aches to have him close.
You are the love of my life. There isn't anyone I need more.
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-Tye-