What was I thinkin?

We were playing phase 10 for our FHE activity.  Porter was laying on Ryan's back talking.  Casey turned around and said something, Porter kicked him in the nose!  Casey teared up.  Porter was scowling.  I said, "Kick him in the nose."  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  I was thinking that a big brother would protect his little brother and NOT kick him.  Casey looked at me.  Porter started snapping his fingers nervously.  I said, "Kick him in the nose."  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  I thought if he did kick him it would be a tap & smirk.  He kicked him in the head with a roundhouse kick!  I stared in awe.  Porter went after Casey kicking him, Casey grabbed his leg and dumped him on the floor.  I burst into tears, completely overcome with emotion... I've never had that happen.  The kids just watched as I cried.  I think my reaction shocked them more than the kick.  I couldn't believe he would do that.  Our kids have never fought like that.  He just looked at me and said, "You told me too!"    I sent everyone to bed, crawled into mine and cried.  I got back up, crawled into bed with Porter and snuggled him.  I started crying all over again.  Casey came up and sat in Porter's room.  He asked why I told him to do it.  I tried explaining through the tears I thought he would protect his little brother & tell me no.  He responded with a "You told me to do it."  then "I didn't kick him hard."  Porter pops his tear stained face out of the covers & apologizes to his big brother for kicking him in the nose.  Casey apologizes and all is well in their big brother, little brother world.  Most days I have no idea what I am doing!