For the first time since college I am officially dieting! That is not a good thing. I am the crankiest, grouchiest, hungriest mom around. I LOVE food. I've always loved food. I'm feeling better in someways but not so good in others. I turn 40 this month. I figure I'll see where I am on that day and like it or not that will be my new go to weight forever. No more of the "if I could just get to..." thoughts. It is what it is. What will the lucky number be?
I've been thinking a lot of different thoughts lately. One is my new relationship with service. It use to be one of warm fuzzies and satisfaction. It's changing now. I think as we change and grow the Lord provides more opportunities for continued growth. It seems as though the Lord is saying, serve out of love for your fellowman vs. serve those you already love and enjoy doing for. There are those people it is SO easy to serve. It's enjoyable just thinking of the things you can do for them. Others, not so much. It's been a growing past couple years. There has been a lot of learning and listening and a bit of fit throwing... "It's NOT fair." I am enjoying my solitude. Home has become my safe haven. It's where I want to be and feel most comfortable. I am enjoying the relationships being built within its walls. I like the people my children are becoming. Far from perfect and a bit moody at times but the important things are taking root. I hope they are able to build those relationships that will last an eternity. I keep going back to the testimony I bore on Sunday in the car on the way to church. I know families are forever. I know if we obey and do our very best we will live together with our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that if we worry more about each other and less about ourselves we will be happy not only in heaven but here on earth as well. I need to worry more about my brothers and sisters in and out of the gospel more and myself less. I need to give others the benefit of the doubt. Look past weaknesses and frailties and build them up. Life is never fair. But it isn't about fair or unfair. It's about learning to love people. It's about serving because we are so grateful for the gift Christ has given us. It's showing compassion and becoming charitable in heart and mind. In my patriarchal blessing I am admonished to keep my thoughts pure and clean. At different times in my life that has meant different things. I think now it means finding the best in everyone and not letting those tiny criticisms sneak in and take over. Or choosing not to take offense and feed the off handed comment. It's thinking the very best of those around me. There is good in everyone. Sometimes it's just covered by a really prickly surface, others with a bit of complacency. Yet if I peel those outer surfaces back a little with kindness and love I'm sure to find good.
Gratitude Journal:
1. Eggs - we have 1 chicken laying an egg a day! Yesterday a different chicken laid a big egg.
2. A warm fire & a very cute man to keep it going at night.
3. People who care - I was left little treats at my door the other week, what a fun surprise!
4. Trials - they continue to humble me and strip the pride away.
5. Food - I am still hungry...
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