71* Dec. 27, 2008

What a day...  The short version... 5AM alarm sounds.  Drop Sam at seminary while Rebekah & Casey hop a ride with Cinda to the temple, all at 6AM.  Back home climb back in bed for a quick snooze.  Izy, Porter and Tori are up & getting ready for school.  I am packing lunches & trying to clean up.  We all jump in the car and head to school.  I get Victoria out of the car & she has a DIRTY shirt on!  I put her on the bus, drop Izy & Porter at school then run to Jeanie's to borrow a shirt.  The tears start flowing.  I have no idea why I have 6 kids.  We were taking a break after Isabelle!  I don't think I would have had anymore if we had gotten the break we planned.  But there were other plans & so I have 6 kids... 6 kids that need way more than I am able to give them.  Like a bath for instance & clean clothes!  Did I mention her hands were dirty too?  I'm not the typical Kindergarten mom at this point.  Most these moms are sending their 1st, maybe 2nd child to school.  They are so much more attentive and their kid probably gets a bath everyday!  They surely don't send them to school in dirty clothes!  I walk into the school with red puffy eyes, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.  I find Victoria in the hall getting a drink & going to the bathroom.  She grabs the shirt and tells me she can do it herself.  I follow her.  After changing and making her wash her hands twice she asks, "Why did you do that?"  "Do what?" I ask.  "Why did you make me nervous?"  "Nervous?  What do you mean?"  She says, "Like when Dad sang at my concert.  He made me nervous."  "Oh," I say, "You mean embarrassed?"  "Yes!  Embarrassed!"  She isn't embarrassed to come to school in dirty clothes and hands but is embarrassed I would come into the bathroom with her.  She is my first kid that does NOT want me around!  I leave the school and the tears start again.  I go for a run and just breath.  I am so overwhelmed with life.  My allergies are a nightmare, Ryan is working ALL the time, if he isn't working he is at Scouts or with the young men from church.  I feel as if life is screaming by and I can't get a grip.  Soccer ends on Saturday for Rebekah, Izy & Porter.  I'm sure throwing that out of the mix will help.  I finish my run & jump in the shower, I have to be at the Temple Open House in an hour to work as a tour guide.  At that point it is the last thing I want to do!  I drive over and have a wonderful afternoon.  I can't wait for the Temple dedication and the opportunity to attend regularly, like every week!  As I talked to people about the Temple I realize how much I need it in my life.  To walk through the doors of the Temple is like walking away from life for a couple hours.  The peace and calm felt there is like no other.  It's the promise given in John 14:27.  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.   If there is a place that old scratch does not want me in, it is the Temple.  I can't write all the trials that come prior to going to the Temple.  This one isn't even dedicated yet and I felt that burden still.  The last time I attended the Temple weekly was before I met Ryan and was living in Chicago (17 years ago!).  I loved those days.  I look forward to those days that are right around the corner.  I finish my shift, Casey & Rebekah joined me on our last tour.  It was fun being there with them.  We drive straight to Platte City for mutual.  We pick Sam up on the way and drop a few other kids at their home.  I drive home to check on Izy, Porter and Victoria.  Isabelle had done a fabulous job babysitting.  I'm home for 30 minutes and back to town to pick up the kids again.  It's 9:30 and everyone is finally tucked in bed.  The dishes are done only because a kind friend dropped dinner off while I was gone and cleaned up my messy kitchen.  So, tomorrow starts as soon as I close my eyes... I'm not sure if I am ready.