It's amazing the difference a day can make. Sunday was Fast Sunday. I forgot and gave a half hearted effort. It was a lackluster day to say the least. We spent the afternoon at a Holiday Concert looking at the kids' art. Ryan was working. The kids and I ended the day playing phase 10 until they started fighting. I went to bed feeling depleted and downhearted. I had decided earlier Sunday to fast with a purpose on Monday. My purpose was to figure out how on earth to get the happy back in our family. Well, Monday started like most other days, busy and a little crazy. Sam was off at 5:45 AM along with Ryan & Casey. The boys take Sam to seminary then practice basketball drills in the gym. It's great Dad time for Casey. All day I kept thinking of why I was fasting. Ryan left for work while I ran off to pick kids up from activities. We arrived home, ate dinner and chatted. It was so pleasant around the table that evening. We all helped clean up then off the 3 younger ones went to bed. Victoria started grouching and I though, "Just go to bed." Then another thought popped in and I started tickling her. She started giggling like crazy. She was SO happy! How could I have missed such a simple answer with her. Next was Porter. He too started to get a bit grumpy. I reminded him of how well he had done that day about choosing to be happy and not getting grouchy. I tickled and snuggled him. Again, like magic, he too was all smiles and SO happy. I laid in bed with him a few minutes, told him I loved him, kissed him and said goodnight. Isabelle was waiting for me, "Will you snuggle me?" "Of course." was my reply. We talked a few minutes, played with her hair, scratched her back then told her I loved her, kissed her and said goodnight. It was the best night I have had in a long time with everyone. Victoria soon came down as I was helping Rebekah with homework. Usually I grump at her to get back to bed. Tonight I just let her be. She is my night owl! I walked downstairs to say goodnight to Casey. I laid on his bed and we talked, about important stuff. It was good and much needed. I kissed him goodnight and went back upstairs. Rebekah was ready for bed so upstairs we went. We sang her songs she's working on for YW. I snuggled her for just a minute before kissing her goodnight. Sam and I laughed as Victoria packed her lunch and made an additional 2 PB&J's for her siblings lunches. She left a trail of jam everywhere. I told her most kids don't want an overnight PB&J for lunch. I hurt her feelings and she ran upstairs. I told Sam goodnight and headed to my own room, forgetting Victoria. I sat down to read an article and remembered... Victoria! I found her almost asleep in the hall upstairs under a blanket. I picked her up, tucked her in bed and laid beside her as I read. Why hadn't I done this before. She has such a hard time falling asleep. However, if I lay by her long enough she will finally dose off. I've allowed so many things to cloud my mind and overwhelm me. Things I have no control over. I'm done letting the adversary suck the happy from me and in turn I suck the happy out of our family and loved ones. I'm done being a victim and ready to put the fun back in our family! I've realized I have to let go of those things that do not matter! Victoria and her sweet little self is what matters. So, again tonight she didn't stay in bed and was up until 10:30PM making gingerbread with me. I tucked her in, snuggled her a bit then off she went to dreamland. I will be happy. I will enjoy the moments with my children. I will laugh and giggle and act a fool. I've realized that fasting is the way I am going to endure the trials I have in my life at this time. The Lord is amazing the way He continues to teach me. So much of it mirrors what I am trying to teach my own children. It's humbling to see my weaknesses with the Lord glaring back at me through my kids. They at least have an excuse, they are kids. What is mine? How frustrated He must get with me. I will start living up to my potential. And I will be happy.
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