Some of the best parenting advice I received was teach kids how to make good choices and let them make them. It's not always enjoyable living this approach. The other morning Sam was in a foul mood. I asked her to give me 5 good things in her life. She wouldn't. At that moment I wanted to start listing the many good things in her life. Instead I sat in silence, reflecting on where we were as far as our roles. I thought of all the truths I've tried to teach and instill in her and her siblings. She knows she has a long list of great things to be thankful for. I could see the wheels turning in her head as she sat in silent defiance. My thoughts turned to my Heavenly Father and how He parents. Over and over we are taught the truths of the gospel, given the tools that will bring us back to Him, always allowing us to use our free agency to choose. As I let Sam choose silence I questioned myself. Was I letting her off easy? Was I doing her a disservice? Then I came to the following conclusion. If I make her choices for her I take her agency away. If I make her do those things I want her to do, again I take her agency. With that agency I take all the responsibility. Obviously, I trust Sam has the ability to make good decisions. She's been taught the truths of the gospel. She's been given the necessary tools to base such choices. With those decisions and choices will come consequences both good and bad. As she experiences those consequences she is able to take full responsibility because she made the decision. Through those experiences she grows and learns. It's hard watching my children fail or feel the full consequences of their actions. However, I can see the wisdom in it. Our home is a much safer place to experience consequences than out in the world. My hope is for my children to leave our home equipped with all the necessary tools to navigate this crazy world. I want them to know where they turn to for comfort, peace, help, understanding,forgiveness. How do they learn those things without experiencing consequences that lead them to seek comfort, peace, help, understanding or forgiveness? Later that week I came across the above quote, "There is no true freedom without responsibility..." and in those few words it all made perfect sense.
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