My will vs His... it's a frequent source of frustration and often leaves me very overwhelmed. It seems as though my will is rarely His. As hard as I try to do what is right and live worthy of His blessings I often find myself asking, "REALLY?" He has this other plan, that for the life of me, I can't figure out. My frustration comes from KNOWING that anything is possible if it is His will. Over the years I've slowly let go and learned to bend and go with what is to be. However, it usually comes with a lot of tears, a bit of yelling and then repenting. I guess He's expecting me to get to the end result minus the tears and yelling! So, I've been praying for peace. Peace to know that I am doing the things He would have me do even when life isn't turning out the way I think it should. I found myself at Walmart... Kansas City has the longest lines with the fewest cashiers! I was finally checking out and realized I hadn't brought my wallet. I had my purse and cash but no debit card. I started to panic. I had $251.78 of groceries. I was certain I didn't have the cash to cover the bill. I pulled out all my cash, $252.00! In that moment I could here Him... "Trust Me! I will always take care of you. My way will always be in your best interest, even when it doesn't seem right or fair. Trust Me!" So this morning when the pool vacuum wasn't working and the water was still cloudy after shocking it and the pump pressure wouldn't drop and the return water wasn't strong enough to run the slide I reminded myself that there was a purpose in all this... somewhere! I didn't yell. There were a few tears of frustration... I had spent the entire last week up at girls camp. This week Ryan is spending the entire week on High Adventure with the scouts. I texted our pool guy. He called back and told me it was probably white mold. I guess there is a big problem this year. He walked me through everything I needed to do. It will be a very long, dirty, stinky job and Ryan will be working:) But I thought, if the pool had cleared up I wouldn't have put the vacuum in the water & if the vacuum hadn't broke I wouldn't have stressed about the water pressure & then I wouldn't have figured out the real problem. So, in the end... all is as it should be. I am feeling more peace this week. It comes quietly most of the time. Every now and then it's hits me as I watch my girls kneel in prayer together or Porter reads about boys who became prophets. This life is not what i thought it would be. I am learning the value of His will. I'm learning to ask for peace instead of a different outcome. Eventually, my will will align perfectly with His. That day will be one of great peace and contentment.
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