Driving to the temple today I thought of my wrinkled face and weathered hands. I am a middle aged woman. Most often I embrace my 42 years and am grateful for the life lessons I've learned. With those wrinkles have come understanding and growth. Submitting to the Lord's will and time table continues to bring more simplicity and contentment. The tears come easier. The hurts continue to sting. I think I'm learning to be more at peace with them. I'm learning to accept others as they are but also starting to see them as they can become. Porter can't decide hour to hour whether he hates me or loves me. If I am the worst mom ever, one he wishes "would speed so fast and get arrested and never come back." OR the best mom ever, one he LOVES so much and needs 10 kisses from before he can go to sleep. I am learning to accept his shortcomings as his shortcomings, nothing more nothing less. But I also see in him this beautifully talented sweet spirit. One who struggles with his oh so tender emotions. Life hasn't turned out the way I had envisioned. I've endured the past 3 years of HS with Sam. It has brought us both to tears continuously and subsequently to our knees. The task of raising these unique individuals is quite daunting most days. However, I see the growth and have to admit the process works. I am so grateful for the guidance a kind Heavenly Father has given Sam these past few months. I have my sweet, HAPPY girl back. I love her smile and kind spirit. Her decision to finish her last 1.5 credits of HS at home has been such a blessing and joy.
Sunday is Victoria's 9th birthday. She has decided to celebrate it tomorrow, Saturday. She is so excited she can hardly stand it. Everyone has had better, bigger, more wonderful birthdays than her. But tomorrow... she just knows it's going to be the best one ever. Sam is working on a scavenger hunt. We found just the right cake to make! Audrey helped put the finishing touches on tonight. She is getting a gift she will go nuts over. Now, if cross country would just pick a different day to run their first meet the day could be perfect!!
Sam runs at 7:30 with Ryan in a road race. Then she "races" off to her last Saturday Kaplan class. Ryan is coming straight from work so will probably try to catch a few Z's before Casey's sophomore race at 9:25AM. He didn't want to run Varsity this meet. He had/has his sights set on winning the sophomore race! Rebekah runs at 10:45AM. It will be an interesting year for her. We'll see how it goes.
As we sit around the dinner table laughing and talking everything (for the moment) seems right in our world. Those moments are fleeting but I'm learning to cherish them as they come. I love my family, they are my everything. As the years go by I am learning to love them better. They continue to teach me so very much. I can't imagine life without them, even when they add to my ever growing, middle aged wrinkle collection!
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