I wonder at what point the hurting will subside. I tell myself if I can just become numb enough it will go away. Then I open up again and it all starts over. We are encouraged to keep an open heart. An open heart is use-able. But an open heart is hurt-able. Where is the balance? I fear there is no balance. Perhaps the balance comes from allowing the atonement to heal those hurts. I have confidence in His will but I still fear the hurt that so often comes from the growing process intertwined with His will. I question my abilities. I question if I have the capability to love the way He commands us to love, to treat others the way He has taught. I go over my thoughts and try to differentiate what my natural man wants to say/do and what God would have me say/do. They are often conflicting. When will they come into alignment? When will my natural man be changed and think the way God would? Maybe that is when then the hurting will stop.
Gratitude Journal:
1. My heart: it was made to connect... it's kind of a two edged sword but eventually, hopefully, will become a treasured strength.
2. Summer Break
3. The beauty of nature.
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