You know that moment when reality crashes head on with your perception of reality? I've had a few of those moments and they've left me feeling very empty. The reality of actions speaking much louder than words put me face to face with a bit of cold hard truth. Unfortunately, it's impacted my view on friendship. I believe I am more skeptical. How can that be? Then I ask myself, have I inflicted that same pain on others? Quite possibly so! Now what? I'm not really sure. I think I'll nurse my bruised heart a little.
I tend to end up in the same place... that growing place! It's bitter sweet. It's the good hurt that always pays off in the end. We just had stake conference. Elder Clark told us that whatever level of faith, degree of consecration, commitment or degree of obedience we are at, it will NOT be enough. When we returned home we had a family discussion about what stood out. They all touched on that comment. The older ones felt the urgency in which it was said. So, I should be grateful I keep ending up in this growing place. I have so much to learn before coming face to face with my Savior. It's easy to love those that love you. It's easy to love those that need you. It's a bit harder to love those that hurt you. I have to learn how to love without wanting to be loved back. I think that is normal... wanting to be loved back. But, the pure love of Christ, doesn't need anything in return. That is what I want permanently in my heart. I want it to become such a part of me that all the other cares and worries of this world fade away. To love with "reckless abandon"! It will take time, growing always does. Until then, I will keep trying... and trying... and trying...
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