Father's Day 2016

Jeanie spoke today in church, it was Father's Day.  She started off talking about the bitter sweetness of the day.  She shared how Dad struggled in this life.  It was just too much at times for him.  She shared his struggles with anger management as well as depression.  She told of how he would tell her on the way to mutual that he couldn't take it anymore, how he was going to leave.  She laughed as she said, "I would just say, "See you in an hour Dad" and he would come back to take us home." She went on and shared how as he grew older MS limited his physical outrages and that the younger kids would joke, "If you can run faster than Dad, you're ok." As I sat listening, my body responded in a way I wasn't prepared for.  I began to cry then sob.  My body shook as I tried choking back the sounds coming from deep inside me.  My brain couldn't process fast enough what was happening.  I dropped my head trying to hide and kept telling myself to breathe, just breathe.  It's in these moments that I realize the pain and sadness locked inside me.  I often put on those rose colored glasses when remembering my childhood.  I am truly grateful for the lessons learned and the person those experiences created.  I treasure my ability to connect with and understand wounded, hurting people.  I love that I can see pain behind eyes that are trying to hide.  But often, I forget the pain that created these fulfilling traits.   Days like today leave me reeling from the flood of emotions.