Day 70

I was running out of the house this afternoon and grabbed my phone sitting on the counter. Ryan was leaving 5 minutes after me for work. 35 minutes later after dropping the kids at climbing I was in Aldi shopping. I had my phone in my hand then felt something else in my coat pocket. I was confused because it felt like my phone. Well, the phone I grabbed that I thought was mine was NOT. It was Ryan's! I just shook my head and started to laugh. What was I thinking? I have no idea. 10 minutes later Ryan's phone begins to ring... it is him calling from work. I just laugh, and apologize profusely. I was planning to drive down and drop it off but he said he didn't need it tonight. His voice was so kind and sweet. Lately my walls have been like Fort Knox. It seems like everytime I pull them down and let him in I end up hurt. I am vividly aware of the walls and desperately want to remove them but the fear right now is paralyzing. It felt so good to laugh with him. I think it might have been just what I needed.