Day 190

Another marriage counseling day... Living in Missouri has brought it's own kind of hell into my life and the life of our kids, especially our girls. I had no idea how to handle the ugliness and rejection that we would experience here. As I talked about it today in counseling and the hurt that our girls have experienced Ryan expressed regret in not being more empathetic or compassionate. However, it felt hollow and empty like lifeless words. Then the counselor asked how it felt to hear him express regret and sadness. It was difficult for me to share what my heart was feeling so I responded honestly with, "It felt like a one but I know that he is trying." She uses a scale of 1-10 like a competency rating. Often we expect 8, 9, and 10's when in reality we have to be OK with 1, 2, and 3's. This week Ryan is suppose to work on apologizing at a level one and I am suppose to watch for his efforts and let him know I recognize them. We will see how it goes.