Day 212

We said goodbye to Sam today. She is headed to Scotland for three weeks. We are all so excited for her!!! She is such a wonderful big sister. Just ask Casey, he reminds everyone that Sam is the best! I love her kind soul. She loves her siblings so well. We will miss her way of making everyone fee apart and important. 

We were suppose to say goodbye to Kate... but while sitting on hay bales everything changed!

Ryan and I drove off to our counseling session as they ran inside to call Kate’s parents. 

It was an emotional session. The counselor asked a few questions, one of which addressed the emotions I was trying to control. We then talked about the walls/blocks I have built/put in place. She said they aren’t there for no good reason but out of necessity they have come about. This week she asked me to focus on understanding why they are there. In that moment I realized deep down I believe I can’t do anything right in Ryan’s eyes. When I am true to myself I am at odds with Ryan. It was an emotional evening, I am so tired. 

We came home to Kate still in KC.