Day 223

I found an old entry on my notes I never posted. It was a good reminder today...

12/6/18

Joy?

I think I’m beginning to recognize joy for the first time in my life. It’s been an odd experience. I think I first noticed it after a really hurtful interaction. Usually interactions like this would shut me down completely. I think I’m finally learning to ride the ups and downs of life with a bit more grace. I’m seeing them more as refining and molding than punishing. More a necessary, constant part of life than  an occasional difficulty. Because occasional is not reality here. So, after that really hard day I picked Victoria up from school, Izy came home from practice, Porter joined us in the kitchen and we laughed and talked. I felt a lightness that doesn’t usually accompany the sadness from the days events. What I realized is that I was feeling joy. Joy can be felt amid the hurts and sadness?!? Hmmm, such an odd feeling of emotions. At one point the hurt and sadness felt swallowed up in the joy I was experiencing with my children. It did more than lessen the intensity of those emotions, in those moments of laughing and talking the sadness was gone.  I’m learning that when I stay with the softer emotions of sadness and hurt the spirit has the ability to comfort and heal as well as bring joy. I am able to smile, laugh and move through the hurt.