My Third Session Notes

I didn’t do so well at the end of our last session. After listening to the session a few times I can see where collusions have been created. I think what upset me was I have worked really hard to keep my relationship with our kids as a parent child dynamic. I haven’t tried to use them to prop up my sense of self. Any collusion that has been created was not done on purpose or to do harm. I will work better at trying not to let things “disregulate” me as much. 

I haven’t and don’t handle my anger well and I do have as much hate as love in this relationship right now. I am also selfish in the ways JFF said “self referencing in how I interact with Ryan”. I do “relate to the relationship primarily in how it impacts me.” I am trying to change that and  "focus on who I am being in the relationship". I’ve had some success but have failed miserably also. 

I also learned somethings about Ryan and his upbringing. They aren't mine to share but if he is ok with it I would like to post it for our kids to read. He had low involvement parents. He didn't learn to invest in relationships. He is a low invested guy with a lack of caring.