Living and Learning

I wish I knew then what I know now. I made so many mistakes. I let the pressure of compliance and false traditions influence my parenting. I let the voices of judgmental people influence me. Instead of thinking for myself I let others think for me. I grew up in a home of compliance. My parents found safety in obedience. Which is understandable considering their backgrounds. Growing up in the church I understood we were not as good/righteous as most others. We didn’t read our scriptures much or have FHE regularly.  My dad swore and had a horrible temple. Our home was chaotic and volatile. We had substance abuse issues as well as teen pregnancy. When I married Ryan I was very aware that he was “better” than me, I was the one coming from a dysfunctional home. His dad let me know he knew it too. I had a brother that was divorced! So, I grabbed hold of all those people who looked like they had life and parenting all figured out. I found the families that complied to the standards and followed suit, meticulously. I stopped thinking and started complying. I bought into the idea that girls dress had a huge influence over boys and that it was a girls responsibility to help in that area. I taught Sam that wearing a tank top might make it difficult for a boy to keep his thoughts  clean. And that to be modest her shorts needed to come to her knees. If I could go back and change things I would. If I could have a do over I would. I have since come to realize I don’t believe girls need to wear shorts to their knees, cover their shoulders or wear a one piece suit to be modest. Modesty is so much more than clothing. And we all get to decide for ourselves what that means. I hope I am doing a better job teaching my kids to own themselves and to have integrity to what they come to accept as truth. 

Mormonism's Modesty and Sexuality Discourse. Dan Wotherspoon, host of "Mormon Matters" interviews Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Natasha Helfer Parker about the messaging around modesty and sexuality and how to teach our sexual values most productively. Topics that come up during this discussion include: Modesty- Rape culture - The rhetoric we use int he church surrounding modesty. How to talk to young women about modesty. 

Modesty  In this podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife chats with Michelle Stevenett from the Mind. Body. Boss. Podcast all about modesty. They cover topics like how to teach modesty and what modesty is and is not.